Is safety and trust the same thing? Safety is the ability to communicate freely, to be yourself one hundred percent and know there will be no repercussions, punishments or other negative reactions when one person is expressing themselves. It’s about open communication, knowing you are valued, and seen in any moment. This means, we feel safe to be honest about what we are feeling and thinking knowing that we don’t need to feel self censor. That we are walking on eggshells, worried about the other person’s feelings or reactions. It doesn’t mean we are mean or insensitive.

We lie to ourselves all the time. But in order to fully open ourselves up to all the beauty and meaning life can hold for us, we have to choose to see the truth, even when it hurts. In doing so, we accept, let go, and grow.

I was married to a covert narcissist and did not really realise the extent (or the impact) of the emotional manipulation until I had walked away from the relationship and had a bit of distance, (and luck) to put two and two together. I had moments of doubt/questions, months and perhaps even years in advance, but I chose to ignore the feelings, rationalise them away and convince myself that I was in love.

Dating as a 38-year-old woman who would – correct-partner permitting – like to have children is an interesting situation to be in. Having come out of an 11-year relationship (two-year engagement; nine-year marriage), giving myself about a year and a half to heal, before being ready to let someone into my life again, has been an evolutionary journey.