Be comfortable being uncomfortable
I was listening to a great podcast where Jay Shetty interviews Ryan Holiday. Both really great people to follow and gain nuggets of wisdom. I open the book, The Daily Stoic, every few days for a nugget of sagacity and reminder to live life with a certain perspective. In the podcast, they touch upon a few key themes, but one that caught my ear and that I wanted to write about was comfort. Pushing past it, living with being uncomfortable and knowing that each time you have overcome it, you will get comfortable again and making sure we don’t get complacent.
We grow the most when we “fail”, press past our comfort zones or have no other choice. Usually, the scariest thing in our heads are the ones that will lead to the greatest evolution. People have shared stories with me recently, where being made redundant due to the pandemic and being forced to start their own thing or look for a new job has been the best thing that has happened to them. Or when they had the courage to leave a relationship, open or close a business, start that passion project or tell someone the truth about something they were afraid to say. When we face our fear and go into the discomfort, we find that it was not as scary as we thought it might be. And the relief, and result tend to be very rewarding.
Sometimes, the thought and fear of the fear itself (i.e. worry) is more painful than the actual event itself. We suffer twice when we image the thing we are scared of in our mind, and then live it (if it actually does come true). And when we think of the worst possible scenario, really spell it out, look at the details and ask ourselves, is it truly that bad? We can face the monster in the eye and it loses a lot of its power. My example was leaving my ex-husband and the toxic relationship that I was in. At the time, I didn’t realize it was emotionally manipulative, I just I couldn’t take it anymore. I was on a spousal visa in the UK, but felt viscerally, I needed to get out. I thought: worst case scenario, I leave London, move in with my parents back in Canada. It’s not an ideal situation, being in my late 30’s, my business not growing fast enough, and not having a corporate (aka “safe”) job. But if that is the worst-case scenario, I am ok with it and in fact, I feel pretty lucky. I get to go back to Canada, a country where free speech is the norm and as a woman, I can expect equality. I have loving parents who would welcome me home with open arms. I am so lucky to have such a supportive family. When I looked at the worst-case scenario, I knew that I could live with it. And that I needed to get out of a relationship that was slowly killing my soul and spirit. It all happened very quickly, but in that period, I was able to assess the worse case scenario, face my fears and jump. I have never looked back. My life certainly isn’t perfect and I have new sets of fears, but I haven’t felt so free and light since leaving that unhealthy relationship. With each challenge that I conquer, and fear I face, I become fiercer.
Each time we go into that discomfort and overcome it; it makes us more resilient for the next thing. Like a muscle, it makes us stronger so we can handle more. That is why usually, but not always, we are more mature as adults and can handle more stress compared to our younger selves. With each challenge we face, we fall down, get up, dust ourselves off and acquire the tools to handle our own fears and dark emotions. We add tools to our kit and skills so we can handle different situations better. Emotionally and intellectually.
The thought of the day is be comfortable with the notion that every time you are uncomfortable, you are progressing, stretching and growing. Each time you face that fear, you are adding another layer of strength and power as you move the needle towards your dreams, goals and life’s work.