I am pleased to say the egg freezing process went smoothly and the procedure was successful. The two weeks of daily hormone injections, blood tests and scans were intense. But I was more equipped in knowing what to expect, and knew exactly what I was getting myself into, having done it once already. It was less daunting and I understood that in doing this second round, I have done my personal best in keeping my options open so I won’t have regrets, at least on this front. I now have the bloating and weight loss to “deal with” but I feel grateful that I am healthy. I did not end up with hyper-stimulation (so far) and I can move on with my life and put this section to bed. I can earn the money back in the future, but I can’t capture the quality of my eggs down the road. I am proud to have done this, again. And alone. I did not feel sad or lonely. But I did it by myself. (With the support of the ARGC, whose staff members are wonderful.) It felt empowering and reminded me that I am strong and capable. That I am surrounded by love and people whom I can count on, but ultimately, I can count on myself. If you are considering this but not sure, reach out and I would be happy to have a conversation with you. It’s not for everyone, but don’t wait too long to think about it. Time really does fly by and it’s not a must, but I do urge you to seriously consider this. Not enough people talk about how as women, we are taught we can conquer the world, but there are some limitations of biology that we need to factor in.

We will never be fully ready for whatever it is we are preparing for. Whether it’s the “right time” to have kids, write that book, quit that job, sign up for that stand-up gig, leave that unhealthy relationship—familial, romantic or platonic. We always find a reason to put it off, even if just a day. But we just need to do it: Right. Now.

So what triggered this thought?

Last week I had a follow up consultation with the fertility clinic where I had my eggs frozen. As I spoke to the doctor, she said: As you are considering various options, if you think being a mother is an ultimate goal for you and you are not yet with a partner, you may want to consider taking a few of the eggs in your next round and having them frozen as embryos.

I don’t’ currently feel a strong desire to be a mother. But this conversation led to a few philosophical questions and is certainly a new twist to my egg freezing adventure.

So I decided to freeze my eggs. At the age of 38, soon 39, I decided that doing the things within my control would help with surrendering to the things I cannot. The decision was not something that as evident to me right away, it came with time. I write about this thought process in this earlier blog.