New twist to the egg freezing adventure (it’s called embryos!)

Last week I had a follow up consultation with the fertility clinic where I had my eggs frozen. It was to see how I was doing, if there were any complications and if I had any questions. I took this opportunity to ask a few detailed questions about doing a second round, as based on conversations with other women who had already gone through the process, and the clinic itself, it sounded like 20 eggs is a safe number and I had frozen 14.  As I spoke to the doctor about the logistics, she said: As you are asking about the egg freezing process and considering various options; if you think being a mother is an ultimate goal for you and you are not yet with a partner, you may want to consider taking a few of the eggs in your next round and having them frozen as embryos.

So let me go back a step and explain a few technical terms in a non technical term from what I understand as a lay person. In a previous blog, I wrote about a friend whom kindly shared her egg freezing experience with me and said that the numbers drop like flies in terms of probability with frozen eggs (leading to a successful pregnancy) and she wanted to make sure I understood that. Essentially, with unfertilized frozen eggs, a large number “die” when unfrozen, and even when put with a sperm, because they are thawed, there is less of a guarantee that they will “do their job” and get fertilized in the same efficient manner that a non frozen egg, that was just produced, would do. (Makes sense.) The doctor explained that freezing a fertilized egg (i.e. an embryo) meant that the chances of that embryo leading to a successful pregnancy was much higher. For instance, (this is a rough ratio, please do not hold me or the doctor accountable for it) 20 frozen eggs is a good number to be more or less sure that it will lead to one successful pregnancy. You only need about 5 frozen embryos for that same chance.

Going back to what the doctor said; that if I knew motherhood was the goal and I am in the situation where I don’t know who the father may be as I am not with a partner, freezing a few of the next round as embryos is something I should consider. She suggested I have a counselling session with a specialist to talk about raising a child in this circumstance, how you would speak to them/explain the situation, and other factors to think about. She said if I decided to go this route and decide to fertilize a few eggs in my next round, I would need to have done a few tests to determine which type of sperms are compatible and have selected the sperm donor, so that in the procedure, they could take the harvested eggs and fertilize them in the same day.

This is certainly a new twist to my egg freezing adventure. Two years ago, I was adamant that I was going to leave it to fate if I were meant to have children and I did not wish to even entertain the thought of freezing my eggs. I did not anticipate the 180-degree change in mindset and the sense of relief it actually provided. Now I feel more at ease in terms of not feeling like I need to have all the answers or everything figured out before a certain age. With this lesson learned, I am keeping an open mind to the suggestion of embryos. My belief was, and still is, that I want children as a product of my love with my partner, and we create something beautiful together. I don’t feel a strong need to be a mother (at least not yet). I love playing with my friend’s children and suspect I would be quite happy being a god mother to them and the coolest aunt. The only time I feel broody is when I see my nephew, but that is probably because it’s a biological instinct of seeing your own kin. I currently do not feel a desire to be a single mom; I don’t feel that being a mother is something I necessarily need to do in this lifetime. Having said that, I know I may change my mind down the road, so it’s good to keep my mind and options open.

This raises a whole bunch of philosophical questions. Should I decide to freeze embryos and then find a life partner, and go down the IVF route with his sperm, would we destroy the embryos? How would he feel about those embryo eggs with someone else’s sperm? If I don’t find a life partner by a certain age, and decide I really wish to be a mother, will I be glad I had those embryos frozen? (Probably. But would my preference of characteristics have changed?) Or going back one step, how many of the eggs that get harvested should I fertilize and how many should I freeze as is? It is a bit of a priorities questions, if I do half-half, versus twenty percent or whatever ratio I decide/am advised on. Should I look for an anonymous sperm donor? Or would asking someone I know and care about be a more familiar option? I would know them, their family history and a lot more information. But that opens up a whole can of worms: Who? Would they want to do it? What are the future implications of knowing you have a child together but you are not in a romantic relationship?

None of these questions are overwhelming. If anything, it’s an entertaining and interesting thought exercise. It certainly makes me smirk. Life has given me many options, twists and turns and I am glad I have this opportunity to mull things over. To feel at least, that I have some control over my life and my decisions. But they are in some ways, heavy questions. I realize though, that we cannot ever scenario plan for every possibility and that often life unfolds in ways we would have never guessed or planned. So with this reminder to myself, I surrender to uncertainty. I choose to take control of the research process, understand the options, find and talk to people who have gone through the process, meditate and let the answer come to me. Watch this space. I would love to hear your thoughts, reactions and experiences.