Swallow the elephant one bite at a time
Starting a blog that will help women in toxic relationships.
I feel a deep sense of purpose, to share my story, experiences and “mistakes,” in the hopes that it brings light and wisdom to other people’s lives. It’s scary for various different reasons, but my coach said, swallow the elephant one bite at a time. So here I am, taking baby steps toward a calling that I feel in my core.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 11 years. It didn’t start out that way and I still struggle to use the term “abuse” and to fully acknowledge the situation. I still ask myself, “was I in an abusive relationship?” Yet I know the answer is yes. The thing is, because it’s not what the stereotype of what an abused woman looks like in my head-- poor economic background, physical violence, no option to leave-- I never thought I was in a toxic relationship. I consider myself a highly educated, strong and independent woman. I grew up with an incredibly strong mother, a kind and gentle father. I grew up in Brasil and Canada, and as a woman, was taught the world is my oyster. I pursued and achieved all of my dreams and goals. I had travelled all over the world and lived in seven different countries, most of them moving by myself. So, it’s not possible for someone like me, to be in an abusive relationship. I’m not “dumb” enough to put myself in that situation. Yet, the more I share my story with women, the more surprised I become. I find that many other strong, independent women were in abusive relationships. I don’t think enough people talk about this version of it. Whether it’s because there is shame, or people don’t think it’s abuse, or whatever the reason, many of us still have one stereotype of what these relationships look like.
The intent of this project is to help other women identify the red flags (that I ignored), and to take any nuggets of insight from my journey if it helps them on the road to healing. I am stronger than before, and I am much more secure in my footing. I still wobble and I still have moments of doubt. In various blog posts I share what I did to heal (and the healing is ongoing), the conversations and thoughts I had along the way and any insights I think may be useful. I don’t know yet, how this project will unfold. I know it’s meant to be an act of service, of love and light. I hope you will join me in this journey, share your thoughts and feedback and help me evolve and grow this into what it’s meant to be. I plant the seeds today so it can grow into a large oak tree and provide shade and respite for women around the world.