Decoding dating cues in digital age
Navigating dating not just in our modern world of apps and instant messaging, but a national pandemic, is challenging for even the most-seasoned explorer. I’m learning as I go: it’s like the blind leading the blind.
Different people communicate differently. Express their affections differently. How do we put ourselves in their shoes so we can understand them, yet not be so forgiving that we overlook ‘bad’ behaviour when it comes to dating?
As I grapple with dating various people with their own behaviour patterns, I’m asking myself whether there are universal signals showing care and interest - regardless of communication style. Some are better at expressing their feelings and what they want. Others are more introverted, so are less likely to make it obvious. Some are tactile, others won’t hold hands, let alone cuddle spontaneously. Some communicate effortlessly, pinging messages back and forth through the day. Others rarely touch base between dates, but often still waters run deep. That doesn’t take away from the intensity of how they feel.
Take one of my best friends, for example. He’s a very practical person. If I say, hey, how was your day? Or, I miss you, he never replies to my texts. But, if I text with a concrete ask for help, no matter how busy he is, he will reply and he will help me. So I know I can count on him when it really matters. To him, all the other stuff is trivial, so he doesn’t bother to reply to me. I only understand this because I know him now. I know how he functions and I know he genuinely cares for me. But if I was dating him, I would probably find his behaviour cold, or dismissive. So imagine trying to apply this level of understanding to multiple guys you’re dating on an app.
Sometimes, I find myself making excuses for communication styles which are actually just bad etiquette. On these occasions, it’s taken strong words from friends who could see the reality when I was choosing to see only the positives about them.
After all this mumbo-jumbo of a blog, the bottom line is: if a guy likes you, you’ll feel it. Regardless of communication style. If you’re second-guessing, your gut is trying to tell you something. When you know your non-negotiable line has been crossed, there’s no use over-analysing it. Follow your gut instinct the moment you feel it kick in - it’s usually right.