The five-year exercise
I was having a conversation with someone the other day, curious about life and what I would be doing one, three and five years from now. He gave me a wise exercise to practice. He said, think back to when you were 20 years old. What did you think your life would look like at 25, and then when you actually did turn 25, did it look anything like you had imagined it? Keep doing this exercise and see whether any of it matches up. He said every person he asks to do this realizes that it’s never what they thought it would be. It’s comforting to know we all don’t know what we are doing or can predict what will happen. We do our best, stay authentic and put one foot in front of the other.
I thought back to when I was 20; I would have never predicted that by 25, I would be living in Rome, working for the United Nations. At 25 and guessing where I would be at 30, I could not even have predicted that I would be living in Geneva, or married. When I was 30 (ok I am going to skip to 7 years ahead instead of 5), I could not have fathomed leaving my marriage and looking to get divorced a couple of weeks after turning 37. I would have never believed you, if you told me that I would be in an emotionally manipulative relationship and would not even realize it until I walked away from it and had space to see it.
In another conversation with this same person, he stopped me in my tracks and gave me a realisation that made me laugh. He said, when I was young, I was really attracted to hippies, but when I dated them in university, I realized they dressed like hippies, but didn’t quite live the philosophy of it. You on the other hand, don’t dress like a hippie, but you are actually somewhat of a hippie. You meditate, believe in the universe, are spiritual and follow a lot of the hippy principles. Once again, had you told me in any version of my younger self that I would be a hippie, I would laugh and say, no way. I am way too much the stereotypical child of immigrants: work hard, get good grades, get into a good school, get a good job, make your parents’ sacrifices worth it. Be practical, be realistic and be risk averse (the last one I don’t know that I ever was). But here I am, somewhat of a hippie hybrid, but certainly leaning on the hippie side.
All this to say, if you are feeling curious, lost, or worried about the future; be reassured that everyone is feeling that way at one point or another. Not knowing what will happen, what you will be doing and whether things will turn out ok is normal. The five-year exercise illustrates that things will turn out in ways you could not have imagined. It may not be exactly what you are wishing for, but it will be what you need.