Check list! Getting to know a new romantic partner
A friend of mine shared some of his thoughts on dating and relationships after he reflected on his recent experiences. I’ve added my interpretation to his reflections, and in the initial dating stages, these rules of thumb may help in the journey of getting to know someone better:
TIME- spend as much time together as possible (without it being suffocating). Only time and different situations will you be able to get to know the person better. You can see how they react; you can see them in different situations. You can also see your interactions and dynamic as a couple.
GIVE- give, give, give. Are they just takers? Do they give back? It never hurts to give, and be generous in general. But it’s great at the beginning to see if they are also takers or givers. Nothing wrong with either, just an understanding of who they are.
RELAX- being relaxed has its merits. Does the person just take? How far do they push the boundaries? Do they take advantage or are they thoughtful and try to be balanced? i.e. don’t try and put rules or expectations, relax into the process so you are not attached to an outcome or person, but really seeing the process unfold, and the reality for what it is. This latter thought is more of an outlook rather than action time: Do you like them for who they are? Are you relaxed about that? Or are you trying to make them into something else? An expectation of who they could potentially be?
REVIEW and REFLECT- Every quarter (or however often you wish to do this), write a letter to each other (your spouse, life partner) on: three things you really liked, three things you didn’t, in the last three months about the other person and the relationship. It’s like writing a weekly work report: three things you did well and three things you didn’t do well.
Life is not a check list, but here is a fun poke at that for those of us who are learning to let go but still love our lists. So, as I continue in my dating journey, I come back to this list because it’s a good reminder and quite practical. Would love to hear if you have anything to add or subtract from this list. (I would add be authentic, don’t let fear drive your behaviour, don’t fall into the EST trap, enjoy the process, and so much more. But those are far longer topics and this list is handy.) :)