New year’s resolution: don’t make any
This is likely not the first time you have heard this concept, but this new year’s why not scrap the list of resolutions? Instead, why not commit to a small set of habits you would like to form or keep starting now? We brush our teeth as if it’s second nature. Why not have habits incorporated in our lives that feel like an automatic thing we do, and it happens to be good for us?
I haven’t had a new year’s resolution for decades. I found that it wasn’t something that seemed natural for me. In my late teens and early twenties, I did read somewhere a piece of advice I really liked: people who wrote down a list of three things they would like to achieve and put in their wallet, was 10 times more likely to achieve them. The three goals should be short, medium and long term (relatively speaking). For instance, something to achieve in three months, one year and three years. I tried that and I think it was helpful. Over the years, I have read many great words of wisdom related to goal setting, vision boards, positive mindset etc. One of the most useful books I have read is Atomic Habits, by James Clear. Habit setting and solidifying your identity, based on values, is the strongest way to create a foundation for lifestyle choices that will likely stick. Instead of having a list such as, I will join the gym January 1st, stop drinking for the whole first month of the year, read 30 books this year; why not start small but steady? I will walk around the block every day for ten minutes while I have my cup of coffee. Or even smaller, I will roll out my yoga mat today, if that is the closest thing I do to exercise. Just start. Instead of saying, tomorrow, next week, next month, I will start doing X. Start today and start very small. But just start.
I started meditation with five minutes a day, I now manage one hour in the morning and thirty minutes before bed. (There are days I have to do shorter ones because I am in a rush but I meditate twice a day 95% of the year). There was a long period of my life (probably a decade or so) where I didn’t exercise regularly. During grad school and early in my career, I was quite physically active. Then I stopped. In the past few years, I have gotten back into the habit of moving my body again. It started slow, with one yoga class. I now climb, spin, or do yoga four to six days a week. This is not to say I am better, or to make anyone feel bad. It’s to say, if I can do it, you can too. (If you knew me in high school you would laugh if I were to describe myself as sporty, or physically active. I could not even manage a mandatory 12-minute run for P.E. class.) I was just starting and not over thinking it. I didn’t have large goals or aspirations; I just did what felt intuitively right for me at that moment and simply started. That very moment, that very day.
Then I started implementing systems that I knew would work for me so I would not be tempted to skip out or not do something. (I now book my spin classes one week ahead, looking at my schedule and making sure it’s in the calendar so I can’t be too lazy the day of, and not exercise. I have a rule of thumb where I climb at least once or twice a week because I love it so much. It’s a mix of going alone, and making climbing dates with friends so I know I will get at least one or two climbs in a week.) It’s also part of my core values and identity, that I am active, and take care of my body as part of my health and desire to live well.
There are habits I would like to kick, minimize or re-establish. I consume more alcohol than I would like. Instead of beating myself up over it, I choose to not drink, one day at a time. That way, it’s not an insurmountable or scary figure, it’s just one day. Before I know it, I managed a week, a month. (I haven’t managed a year, nor do I think I am aspiring for that. I like my wine and bubbles too much.) I would like to start reading every day again. I used to read 15-30 minutes a day and somewhere along the way this year, I dropped that habit. Did you know, if we read 15 minutes a day, that is 15 books a year? Not bad, considering the investment is not so high, just a few minutes a day. So, I will start with one minute a day. Or even just open that book up today.
When I look back over the past two and half years, which is when I left a toxic relationship, I am impressed at the habits I have formed and the lifestyle I have forged for myself. It’s not “perfect” and there is always room to evolve, tweak and change. But it’s a really great set of physical, mental and spiritual base I have created. I didn’t have the equivalent of a New Year’s resolution list. Surprisingly, I didn’t even have a goal list, which is something I usually do have. It was a set of habits that I created, with tiny steps. So, for 2022, will you join me in not having a new year’s resolution? Will you join me in taking that one small step, right now, to forge that habit instead?